She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize