So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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