Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
