Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
