I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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