New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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