I'm pants shitting drunk right now
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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