My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My vagina is officially offended.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
