worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
