I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
