why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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