Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
