To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
