So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
