I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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