Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
operation have a gay friend backfired
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
