4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
