K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
