I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
oh god the rape fog is back!
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
