And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
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All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
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As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize