the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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