I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
