Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
