I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
