I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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