Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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