What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
