i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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