Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
When did angry sex become our thing?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
