i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
