I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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