i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
