Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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