I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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