Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize