So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
