worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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