They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
