I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
