I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
