I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
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I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
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No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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