yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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