Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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