I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
