Sry I called you an 8
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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