I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
