Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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