do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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