a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
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It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
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A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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