My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
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He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
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Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
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