I just threw up on my dentist
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
