we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
