i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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