When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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