hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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