the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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