Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
