i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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