Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
