remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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