I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
