R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
How drunk are you?
Completed.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
