Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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