My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
