Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
