You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
