I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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