new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
