do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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