thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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