When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
